The Country is Drunk!

Yep.  There, I said it.  Inebriated, intoxicated, indeed stupefied, even.  At least that explains it, assuaging the necessity to further divine the root of BHO’s popularity.  (Barack Hussein Obama, in case you haven’t been paying attention).  I guess that would make the media the bartender…our colleges and universities the liquor salesmen…and our enemies, well they’re just plain ‘over the moon’ drunk on the mere thought of a BHO presidency.

 

Man, am I relieved.  The only way I could feel better is if the election were tomorrow and I could stop being so puzzled and mortified with the left’s loony happy hour.  I’m not drunk, you see.  Neither are my conservative counterparts.  Since we always pay the tab, we should at least come to the party.

 

Let’s see how this whole ‘drunkenness theory’ of mine holds up when we review the Loony Left’s marriage to their platform of both illogical and anti American tenets.  I give it this name because you’d have to be drunk to understand their policies and then actually choose to support them.

 

Tenet 1: Raising taxes.  Hmm, let me see.  Does this ever work? I mean, does raising taxes ever benefit anyone but government?  It naturally follows that we must ask if raising taxes during a time of economic difficulty then, also makes sense.  Sure, Clinton raised taxes and in a big way, and retroactively, I might add; how audacious of him.  But he did it during the dotcom boom – while ill-conceived and anti capitalist, at least it happened in an era of economic expansion, indeed a ‘boom’.  Oh, but they’re only going to raise taxes on the richest among us, you say…?  Again, ill-conceived and anti capitalist, and if you believe that, well, you know how drunks lie.  On this point, ‘drunkenness theory’ stands firm.

 

Tenet 2:  Universal Healthcare.  There’s a healthcare crisis, the Loonies are always pontificating, umm, bragging about.  Even in the face of the best (worst) figures anyone can conjure up, there are approximately 14% of Americans that don’t have health insurance.  So, according to my handy dandy four-dollar calculator that I just bought with my stimulus check, that leaves 86% of us with insurance coverage.  Watch out, I’m about to make an audacious statement:  Does an 86/14 split constitute a crisis?  Dare I have the audacity to say ‘NO!’?  (I wonder where the 12 million illegal immigrants fall in these numbers…)  Even if we left the ideology out of the question (which I cannot do, by the way), any sober person would have to agree that a crisis this is not.  The fact that nowhere in the Constitution is it mandated that we provide healthcare to each other, or that it be provided by the government (the same thing, only the government has lots of guns…) seems to escape the loony left’s argument here.  Drunks do tend to have a hard time concentrating, you know.  Drunkenness theory, picking up steam. 

 

Tenet 3: Ending the war in Iraq.  Surely they’ll have the sobriety to make a point here.  War is always bad and our enemies are always right, right?  Where are the WMDs, after all?  The audacity of George Bush to start a war!  I guess we’ll have to go to the facts on this one.  The war started on 9/11/2001 and was started by agents of Al Qaeda.  On our soil.  Our citizens were the victims.  Our country was the battleground.  Using the best intelligence then available, well, the rest is history.  Yep, we’re still there.  By most accounts, not only have we achieved our military objectives, but we’re on the right track to be able to leave Iraq with dignity.  Would it be better to pay lip service to our commanders in the field, then to cut and run like all the great Loony minds would prefer?  Thank goodness for alcohol.  Impaired judgement certainly accompanies intoxication.  Come to think of it, could we apply this same logic to BHO’s bad judgement in his choice of pastor and spiritual advisor?  As I digress, drunkenness theory rolls right along.

 

Tenet 4: Negotiating with our (terrorist) enemies.  This one is a stretch for even the most audacious of Loony partygoers.  No matter how drunk you get, the net effect of this Loony notion is that it would only serve to legitimize terrorist states that otherwise could only get coverage in the New York Times.  Fidel Castro, Herbert Matthews ring a bell for any of you history buffs out there?  Clearly (for the designated drivers among us), audaciously choosing to ignore history in this regard will only result in ‘egg-on-face syndrome’.  Oh, and by the way, when negotiating, either with your enemy or otherwise, you must come prepared to give in order to get.  If, in their stupor, the Loonies insist on this tenet, can we offer, say California, in exchange for a kind word in the foreign (or domestic) press?  Win-win, I always say.  Not one shot fired and the world likes us and we appease the terrorists by ceding to them a Marxist state.  Drunkenness theory teeters on the brink of becoming genuine scientific law…

 

I guess if all else fails, the Loony Left can always go back to whining about how republicans are mean.  I hope they don’t though.  Making such an audacious statement without any supporting details would be as idiotic as nominating a candidate for president a naïve, inexperienced, unpatriotic, uber-liberal with a penchant for empty monologues. 

 

Maybe I should have entitled this article The Audacity of Truth.  Nah, I like the ring of ‘drunkenness theory’.  If I say it enough times, it’ll become real.  Drink, anyone?

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